October 22, 2012

Treading Water

Posted in life, video games tagged , , at 3:50 pm by riulyn

So I’ve been in a depressed mood for a while and I just realized how bad it was this past week. I am a pretty leaky-eyed person when I get emotional, whether it is upset or angry or happy or sad, but I seriously have been crying way more than usual these past few days. Hell, I cried when watching an episode of Ouran High School Host Club (which is a parody/comedy) because a sister and brother were able to finally spend some time together. And it was supposed to be a funny episode.

Anyway, I haven’t realized how bad a funk I was in because I have video games. NieR, despite how depressing that game was, was not the source of this funk; it was most definitely stuff in my actual life which will sound lame to actually type up. I mean, in actuality I have a great life; I can buy a bunch of videogames and soundtracks, I have enough food to eat, I have a pretty big apartment for a grad student. Of course I can’t buy everything, but I do have a brother who helps out and is giving me a pimped-out computer for my birthday (though I’ll get it in November). PC games here I come!!! (After Xenoblade, of course.)

I guess the problem right now is that I haven’t found a game or anything else that distracts me enough to keep me distracted well after I stop playing the game. There are only so many hours I can play games a day, and the other hours, especially work days, I do my work and just think about this funk. I think something unexpectedly good happening to me could possibly snap me out of this funk, but unfortunately videogames don’t bring unexpected happiness to me. Well, at least none of the games I’m playing right now are giving me more pleasure than I expected to get from them.

It’s probably the fact that I when I get in funks like this, I have cravings for things that are silly. But at the same time, things that are silly don’t quite reach deep enough in my heart to warm it up. I think I need something that would come from other humans, but I’m also so tired and I spent my money on videogames instead.  So I think I’ll just continue to tread water.

Oh, in other news, I think my NieR cravings have decreased slightly. I can’t wait to own the soundtrack and load it onto my mp3 player.

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1 Comment »

  1. Robert said,

    I find the worst funks come out of nowhere and have no real cause to them. They’re the ones that are the hardest to get rid of too because there’s not any one thing that will snap you out of it. I’ve suffered from depression for a long time and some times I just don’t want to do life. Even the things that I enjoy and I know will make me feel better seem like they’re not worth doing. I’ll sleep or stay in bed and just think and waste all the time I could be doing anything else. Having things to do that you can’t skip out on helps, but when you get back from doing said things you fall right back into it again.

    I’ll be finding out soon if things will get less stressful or more stressful soon, and the waiting is killing me. At least I have some games I’m enjoying to play to pass the time, just wish I could get myself convinced to play them more often.


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